


Soldier at War

by CuriousThimble



Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Blight, Blood, Dancing, Darkspawn, Fighting, Musical, Other, Singing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 23:50:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18839308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriousThimble/pseuds/CuriousThimble
Summary: When her companions start singing and dancing while battling darkspawn, Hera is certain that she's lost her mind and decides to just sit this one out.





	Soldier at War

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: some ridiculous violence, some blood. Nothing graphic.
> 
> Oh Maker, I am SO sorry for the crackfic you're about to read. HOWEVER, the experience is made 100% better if you listen to "Solider at War" from Anna and the Apocalypse. And it will make FAR more sense.
> 
> Thanks to Pinksundays for feeding this beast.

“Leliana, what is that tune?” Wynne asks. “It’s unfamiliar, did you write it?”

 

Picking out an upbeat tune on her lute, she shrugs. “I don’t know, it’s just come to me. I figured I might as well play.”

 

Alistair lifts his head like a hound on the scent. “Darkspawn,” he says grimly, pulling his shield off his back.

 

Zevran twirls his daggers out of their sheaths, a fierce grin on his face. “Ladies, stay back,” he warns, putting himself between the darkspawn and the women. 

 

Hera rolls her eyes at the same time Leliana asks, “Zevran, what are you doing?”

 

“Saving you, of course,” he says and points at the leader with one dagger. “You are mine, fiend!”

 

Sten and Alistair rush ahead, their battle cries drowned out by Leliana as the same tune she was toying with starts to swell and grow louder. The tune is fast and encouraging, like what one might hear at a barn dance, and Hera raises her eyebrows at her. 

 

“Might as well,” the bard says, shrugging as Zevran sings out a single note and leaps onto a boulder, spreading his arms as his pitch goes higher and higher. Just when she’s certain he’s going to hurt himself, he tapers off, throwing a dagger at an approaching darkspawn and killing it instantly.

 

“That’s not- What’s going on?” Hera asks, confused when Wynne joins her, making her staff beat out an accompanying rhythm and pulse light. “Wynne, you too?”

 

The music swells, filled with instruments definitely  _ not _ Leliana’s lute, and Zevran starts singing.

 

“ _ The world is chaos and the outlook is dire _ ,” he croons, doing a somersault off the rock and rolling to his feet. With a little shimmy in his hips, he walks slowly toward the oncoming darkspawn. Behind him, Morrigan shoots a fireball, exploding to his left and missing whatever target she was aiming for. “ _ Time for a hero to step into the fire! The world’s a jumble and it’s close to extinction, but this is my moment and I’ll fight to distinction! _ ”

 

Hera watches, so stunned by what she’s seeing that she can’t move, as he jumps high into the air and lands on the chest of a hurlock, daggers sinking into its neck as he rides it to the ground. “That’s just silly!” she shouts. “Zev, you’re wasting energy with a move like that on something your own size!”

  
“But it looks good,” Leliana argues, playing faster.

 

“ _ Rule One: Stay focused, keep your concentration, _ ” Zevran sings, sidling up beside Sten and tickling his ribs. The qunari frowns at him, punching a genlock so hard it knocks it off its feet.

 

“ _ Rule Two _ ,” Zevran sings, putting his back to Alistair’s and kicking off another hurlock. “ _ Have fun and use your imagination. _ ”

 

“Right,” Alistair says, and grabs Zevran’s arm, flipping him over his shoulder to stand in front. “You take that on, then.” Alistair turns back to the women, dancing to the music and starts singing himself. His eyes meet Hera’s, and everything about him is so... _ heroic _ ...she can’t help but blush like a foolish girl. “ _ No time for weakness when the darkspawn are waiting, suit up, get out there and start decapitating! _ ”

 

“ _ What? _ Absolutely not,” Hera says, crossing her arms and shaking her head. “This isn’t happening. This is...this is crazy, Alistair! Why are you singing at a time like this?”

 

_ “When it comes to killing darkspawn I’m the top of my class, _ ” he sings to her, brandishing his sword to the sky as he dances around her. “ _ While you’ve been hiding I’m been kicking some ass.” _ An enormous hurlock swings its ax for his shoulder, but he casually lifts his shield and blocks it, his smile wide as he arches an eyebrow at her.

 

“ _ Excuse me?  _ I have  _ not _ been hiding,” she snaps, pointing a finger at his face.

 

Like Zevran, Alistair’s voice reaches a near impossible pitch. “ _ I know the best form of defense is attack. _ Sing with me boys,” he encourages, watching Zevran and Sten easily hold off a dozen darkspawn on their own.

 

“ _ I know what I’m fighting for, I’m a soldier at war!” _ they all bellow in perfect harmonization.

 

Hera can’t believe what she’s seeing. Wynne and Leliana are creating impossible music with instruments she’s almost sure don’t exist in this world. Morrigan is doing some kind of decorative explosions and making fire rain down  _ but missing every single darkspawn _ , and the three men are singing and dancing while fighting darkspawn.  _ Have I lost my mind then? Have I finally cracked? _ she wonders. “This is insane,” she mutters, sitting in the middle of the road. “I’m not moving until this stops.”

 

“Allow me, my friend,” Zevran says, and Alistair takes his place at the front to hold back the growing horde. Zevran saunters over to her and squats down, lifting her chin to sing to her directly. “ _ Life is a big game when it’s over your done for- _ ”

 

“Of course I know that I’m not-”

 

Zevran holds up a finger and pulls out a dagger, tossing it casually over his shoulder. With perfect accuracy, it finds its way into the eye socket of an approaching genlock, knocking it to the ground with more force that actually possible. “ _ I’m taking my aim for the maximum high score.” _

 

Hera sneers and pushes his shoulder. “High score? What are you talking about?”

 

_ “Only the toughest will survive in this arcade,”  _ Sten sings, his voice a warm even baritone as blood sprays from a beheaded beast.

 

Hera laughs hysterically, the sound brittle. “There are more darkspawn,” she says to herself. “More. And  _ three _ of them are just...holding them back. What’s an arcade?”

 

“ _ Follow me and you’ll see just how the game’s played!” _ Sten adds with a dramatic gesture for them all to follow.

 

Shouts of glee and excitement surround her as Wynne, Leliana, and Morrigan all hurry to follow Sten as he leads them further down the road, the music still filling the air. With a resigned sigh, Hera follows, shaking her head and leaving her own weapons securely sheathed. When all six begin to sing what appears to be the chorus, she just finds a convenient fence post to sit on and watch.

 

“ _ When it comes to killing darkspawn I’m the top of my class. While you’ve been hiding I’ve been kicking some ass! I know the best form of defense is attack. I know what I’m fighting for, I’m a soldier at war!” _

 

“You’re insane is what you are,” she tells them as the blood sprays and organs go flying through the air. “Each and every one of you.”

 

“Party pooper,” Alistair accuses, grinning at her and tapping her chin lightly with his fist.

 

“Gross,” Hera mutters, leaning out of his reach. “Wash your hands.”

 

“ _ I’ll crush,” _ Sten sings.

 

“ _ I’ll chop, _ ” Zevran adds.

 

“ _ I’ll maim and I’ll batter,” _ Wynne and Morrigan join.

 

In front of her, Alistair sings softly, as if it’s a ballad just for her. In spite of how absolutely bizarre the moment is, Hera feels herself going warm and soft as he stares into her eyes. “ _ Saving humanity is no laughing matter. _ ”

 

“I love you, but you’ve lost your mind,” she tells him. “I’m afraid you’ll have to go to an asylum after this.”

 

Ahead of them, Zevran hits his knees, throwing his arms in the air triumphantly. “ _ When there’s a job to do I don’t fuck around!” _ he sings a pitch so high it must hurt. Morrigan weaves a spell above him, making water rain over him as he leads them into the chorus a final time.

 

“This is the worst day ever.” Hera shakes her head again when Alistair runs back to the group to join in the song. “I don’t under-”

 

“Hera, Hera wake up.”

 

She jerks awake, eyes wide as she stares up at Alistair. “What?”

 

He chuckles, pushing the hair off her face. “You were dreaming,” he explains.

 

“Oh thank the Maker,” she gasps, putting a hand to her chest. “ _ That _ was a dream? Not a nightmare? You were...singing. All of you. And there were darkspawn,” she adds.

 

In the filtered light from the fire, his smile grows wider. “I’ll have you know I’m pretty good,” he says, sitting back and pulling her forward. "It's my watch, want to sit with me awhile?"

 

Shaking the dream from her mind, she agrees, pulling a shirt over her head. "Sure. Let me find some pants."

 

He nods and leaves. When she's somewhat dressed she ducks out of the tent to find him tapping out a rhythm on his leg and swinging his hips around, singing softly to himself.

 

_ "- I know the best form of defense is attack…" _

**Author's Note:**

> Again. I apologize. But damn me if that didn't tickle my funny bone.


End file.
